We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
