Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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