Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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