We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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