can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
