I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
