my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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