Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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