Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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