your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
