i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
