you turned your livingroom into a bong?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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