so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
