where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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