toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
