It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I want a musical about memes.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
