thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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