the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
