rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
