so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
