Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
