Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
