I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
