Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
