just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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