well you can't waste a boner
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The uberlube is also flammable
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
