You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
