My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
