i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
