I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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