So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
