Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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