To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
whose parrot is this?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
