do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
