we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
