yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
