just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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