you win again, gameday.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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