If that was your dad, he is hot
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
