I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
