everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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