could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
