It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
