I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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