ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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