what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
