you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
