Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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