i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think I am morally bankrupt
its not stalking. its research.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
