Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
