how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
