I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
