and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
