Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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