dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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