i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
