Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
