If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
