I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
