I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
