What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
