apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
