Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
