Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
