My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
