God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Reggie can tackle my bush.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize