seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
