escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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