She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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