Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
