Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
