do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
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