I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
